“Take it, you fucking slut” – A blog on why we like what we shouldn’t like.

Hello my pretty little weirdos,

Firstly, soz to any newcomers that are in some way offended by bad language or sex stuff. But I’d say, if you clicked on a link containing “fucking slut” in the title, then you knew what you were in for.

For you regulars, you may or may not have heard me talk (bitterly or otherwise) about the novel I wrote set in a BDSM parlor. (I think part of the story is here) My unpublished novel/series, Algometry: the measurement of pain, is a story about a group of women that work in a bondage parlor at the time of a string of “jack the ripper -esque” murders rip through the city.

It is not erotica. I repeat. NOT EROTICA.

So, I got the idea for this story back in 2005. It came about because, quite simply, I had two friends at the time who were dominatrixes. For one, it was her full-time job the other it was just a part time thing.

I loved hearing them talk about their jobs in such a casual way, just like I would talk about my job.

”Erg … I had the tickler today. Longest. Hour. Ever.”

Or, “No, I better not have a coffee … I have a 9.30 golden shower.”

I loved this. The normality of it all. It was no big deal. It was just a job.

I must point out that both of them enjoyed their job. Both did have high sex drives, but they also had long term partners that were fine with their career pursuits. I won’t disclose much more about these two beautiful women especially because I have no contact with them anymore. But they were the ones that lead me down the path of BDSM and to Algometry, which ended up being the first full novel I ever finished writing. It was also the first novel I tried to have published.

The thing that has made me think about Algometry this morning is mainly the psychology of it. Not that I am a psychologist (although, I am sure there is another version of me out there in the multiverse that pursued that dream.) but I do like thinking about the human brain.

Why is it that we like things we shouldn’t like?

We shouldn’t like being tied up. We shouldn’t like being spanked or whipped. And it is not just sex stuff. If you are sitting there about to click out because you think this doesn’t apply to you, then you are wrong, my friend.

What about that last John Green or Jay Kristoff/Amie Kaufman or Jodi Picoult or Nicholas Sparks book that you just devoured? You shouldn’t enjoy the mental torture and devastation that those books put you through. Sobbing uncontrollably while you continue to turn those pages that inflict so much pain. But you love it, don’t you? You love the pain of those books so much that you’ll take it all in one night. You bookslut, you.

Likewise, we shouldn’t like food that burns our mouth or exercising until our muscles hurt or jumping out of planes or watching other humans get hacked up.

These are all negative things that induce negative feelings. So, why the fuck do we do it to ourselves?

Of course, I am not the first person to think this question, so there are some great studies online about this exact thing and some great books too.

Paul Bloom wrote a really interesting book on the subject called How Pleasure Works: The New Science of Why We Like What We Like which I strongly suggest you go read.

In an article on the Why Pain Feels Good, by Zaria Gorvett they go into more of the biology of the phenomenon.

The link between pleasure and pain is deeply rooted in our biology. For a start, all pain causes the central nervous system to release endorphins – proteins which act to block pain and work in a similar way to opiates such as morphine to induce feelings of euphoria.

Gorvett discusses many things in this great piece, including how paracetamol effects our emotions, why runners feel a high, “controlled pain” and …

The link between sex and pain is not confined to the world of BDSM. One study, in which researchers used fMRI to visualise the brains of women as they stimulated themselves to climax, found that more than 30 areas of the brain were active, including those involved in pain. Another found that cancer survivors, who had nerves in their spinal cord cut to relieve chronic abdominal pain, lost the ability to have orgasms. If their pain returned, so did the orgasms.

I think this is one of the explanations for cutting and other forms of self-harm, as well. Cutting is not a suicide attempt, as many would be led to believe. People seem to think it is a teenage culture thing, but cutting can be an addictive problem and this could be why. Cutting is often done at a heightened state of stress or sadness and if “controlled pain” can cause euphoria, wouldn’t this alleviate some of the stress or sadness one is feeling at the time.

This last paragraph sounded like I was condoning cutting. I’m not. In any way. I’m just trying to understand and trying to shed light where there is much darkness.

So, if you ever get the chance to sit down and have a chat with a dominatrix, I highly recommend it. We are all animals. So, don’t judge those whose poison tastes different from yours.

Hugs xxx

Adelise

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. Simon says:

    I like the thoughts in this. I’ve often simmered why we like some stuff, apart from bdsm or weird food, how about speed that will kill us? Climbing or other adventurous things.
    Makes you think….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Exactly! Suposedly, it is all that same sort of thing… any controlled experience that would normally be a bad thing gives us these boosts in certain chemicals/proteins/hormones/etc which produce a “high.” Sorry, I’m all nerd-excited about it. I had fun researching… lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Simon says:

        Its ok to get nerd… That’s what it does to us. Its meant to give us strength in response to danger… Now we like the high lol

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Lol pretty much! We are weird animals 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Simon says:

        We are… But the reality is that life is too safe now. This is why we do these things.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. celestialk1 says:

    Wow interesting! I didn’t know sex and pain were so explicitly linked, at least especially for women. Some things make more sense now. 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re very welcome! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Hugs xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. mariemclean says:

    Wow! One of the most interesting articles I’ve read in a while…
    Ha! I’m new to your blog, and agree that anyone who read the title then clicked through must have known what they were in for 😜

    Like

    1. Lol that’s what I figured!🤣

      Liked by 1 person

  4. celestialk1 says:

    Hi! So, being a nominee for the awards myself, I had to nominate people for the One Lovely Blog Award, and the Versatile Blog award (so many nominations!!), so I nominated you 😊 I love your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my goodness! Thank you so much!! 😙😙😙😙😙😙

      Liked by 1 person

      1. celestialk1 says:

        *Happy Dance!* 😀

        Like

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